The freezing mode and the shell

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the “freezer” type. Fighting or flighting has never been my thing. Instead, I would always get into this state of feeling overwhelmed that paralysed me.

When I think about the freezing mode, the image of those goats that literally fall when they get scared (if you don’t know what I’m talking about search “fainting goats” or “myotonic goats” and you’ll see what I mean) comes to mind.

For years I felt like those goats. Something threatening happened and I shut down. Unable to find a solution, I would just withdraw emotionally and do my best to stay away from someone/something that had deeply hurt me.

Freezing mode = survival mode

I cannot tell you how many times I felt powerless when I froze. Unfortunately, powerlessness didn’t come alone, guilt always followed.

Why didn’t I speak up?

Why didn’t I remove myself from the situation?

Why didn’t I do something?

The thing is that none of those questions can be answered when you’re in the freezing mode. Freezing is by default shutting down the whole system and going into survival mode.

Sur-vi-val.

At least, that’s how my brain perceives it and how it feels in that moment.

Understanding this about my brain and my mind, that one cannot reason while in freezing mode, was a milestone in my life.  

Freezing mode = getting into a safe space

Suddenly, I wasn’t a defenceless goat that couldn’t move a single muscle. I was, however, a snail or a hermit crab retrieving into its shell.

I wasn’t just freezing, I was getting into a safe space where I could think, reflect, understand and take time to process whatever was being extremely painful or making me uncomfortable.

I wasn’t being lazy, passive or dismissive. Not at all.

Freezing, aka going into the shell, was a nurturing act, another way in which I would look after myself… recompose until I felt safe and strong to go out again.

The same way a snail gets inside the shell when you poke one of its eyes (not that you should do that!). The shell is its home and unless it feels safe again, it won’t come out and about!

The questions that I get now when I retrieve into my shell are very different:

How can I best take care of myself?

What do I need in this moment?

What can I do that will bring me joy?

From guilt and judgment to care and understanding.

Conclusion

I’ll be honest, though… I don’t always manage to bring all this self-kindness right away. The key is to remember that the shell is the place I go to gather my energies again, to realign with what feels right to me.

Whenever I remember that, I can trust that the time will come when being out of the shell will feel safe again.

I’m curious… what type of person are you the one who freezes, flights or fights?