Why breaking your own commitments feel so easy?

Many people fail to create a new habit or stick to one because they break their own commitments. Why? Because breaking our own commitments feels easy. By our own commitments I refer to those that you just make for yourself, because they are meaningful to you or because even when you are not too motivated, you know they will make your life better.

Have you ever wondered why breaking your own commitments seems easier than breaking them with others? Let me illustrate this with an example. 

Becoming a professional chef

Before master chef became popular, it had been years since I fantasised about having my own Michelin star restaurant and working as a professional chef. I’ve always enjoyed learning new recipes and trying food from other cultures.

Imagine for a second that you too want to be a chef and that you commit to this dream. In order to do this, you realise that you should learn a new recipe every week. You have 2 options to keep this commitment:

• Learn new recipes on your own.
• Cook weekly with a friend.

In which scenario would you be more likely to commit? The first one where you’re your own boss or the second one where you have a partner in crime? In my experience, few people would answer the first case. Why? Because breaking self-commitments feels easier than breaking a commitment that involve others. But, why would that be?

Why does breaking self-commitments feels easier?

These are some of the reasons:

In my experience, most self-commitments lack external accountability, a sense of connection, validity and responsibility. The absence of all of these, make it harder for us to stick with it. That’s partially why gyms, reading clubs, choirs or hiking groups work.  When we have someone else, we relate to our commitment differently.

If you struggle to commit with your own commitments and either you don’t want to or can’t find another person, what do you do?

Well… in that case, mindfulness has your back! Just because it feels easier to put off or procrastinate what matters to us, doesn’t mean that you don’t suffer the consequences of not being consequent.

I know how this feels and I want to support you. That’s why I’ve created 3 meditations for when you break your commitments. Here you have the first guided meditation:

I’m curious, have you ever used mindfulness to cope with this lack of commitment? Let me know in the comments below,

Virtual hugs,

Ana